Bulletproof
by astradanvers
Summary: Kara's been thinking about what was said at Thanksgiving a lot but she's not talking about it. She's pulling away and Cat doesn't understand why.


**I don't know what this is except a distraction from the supercat week fics I'm supposed to be working on . . .oops. This probably doesn't even make any sense. I just kept thinking of the line "You may be bulletproof but your heart is not bulletproof" and this happened. Please forgive me.**

Cat glances over her shoulder as Kara slides into bed behind her. The younger woman flicks off the lamp on the nightstand and hugs the edge of the bed, Cat hates it. She reaches out behind her, finding Kara's hand with her own and slowly pulling the woman, who could easily keep her from doing so, closer. She draws the hand she's holding over her body, feels the weight of Kara's arm rest across her waist as she hasn't in over a week. Still holding the slightly larger hand in her own she draws it up, placing a kiss on Kara's palm and then resting both of their hands against her chest. Then she waits, and Kara is one of only two people that Cat Grant will wait for, hoping that Kara will eventually begin speaking on her own.

When too much time has passed and Kara hasn't spoken, Cat begins quietly, "You've been awfully quiet since Thanksgiving," she runs her thumb over the back of Kara's hand, tracing circles there. "What happened? Winn didn't make a fool of himself, did he?"

Finally Cat feels Kara pull her closer, the younger woman's chin resting on the top of Cat's head while Cat tucks herself impossibly closer to her lover. "It wasn't Winn," Kara finally says, voice far too quiet for Cat to even consider hearing if her ear wasn't resting so close to Kara's mouth. Cat doesn't say anything, once more waiting for Kara to begin speaking, "Eliza and Alex got into it. As has so often been the case since we left home."

When Kara falls quiet once more Cat asks what she hopes will be a less difficult question than whatever Kara is ruminating on, "Why do you never call her Mom?" She untangles their hands and runs her fingers softly up and down Kara's arm. "You always reiterate that she's your foster mother and not your mother. Though I know that you love her as a mother, even though you have memories of your own mother."

Cat feels a puff of air ruffle the hair on the top of her head, "I'm going to tell you what Superman told me once when I asked him once why I could not convince myself to call Eliza Mom." She presses a kiss to the top of Cat's head, "I may be bulletproof, this skin may be bulletproof, but my heart, the emotional parts of me, are far from bulletproof." Cat tangles their fingers back together, "In effect what he was telling me was that my skin is bulletproof but the way to do me harm is to go after those that I care about. I lost my parents when I was thirteen because they chose to save my cousin and I. Not a year later I lost Jeremiah, a man I was slowly learning to respect as someone I could view as a father." Kara curls herself tighter around Cat, "At Thanksgiving," she says quietly, "I learned that Jeremiah died protecting me." Cat feels a tear drop on the top of her head, but she knows better than to turn in the girl's arms, "Now I'm left wondering how many people will have to die protecting the bulletproof parts of me before the parts of me that aren't bulletproof harden enough to be bulletproof in their own right."

Finally Cat turns over, tracing Kara's cheek with her fingertips, brushing away the tears there with a light touch, "Your heart, Kara, is never supposed to be bulletproof. A heart," she says, her hand trailing down to rest over Kara's steadily beating heart, "especially this heart, because this heart, Kara, is full of so much love and caring that it could never be bulletproof. Bulletproof hearts are far from all they're cracked up to be, emotions are supposed to be felt not bottled up inside." Cat's thumb brushes over Kara's closed eyelid, "You taught me that, my love."

"They died protecting me, how am I supposed to live with that knowledge? How am I supposed to continue going forward knowing that if it hadn't been for me, my parents could have possibly escaped. If it hadn't been for me Alex may still have her father."

Cat considers her next words carefully for a few moments, "If there was a fire here in this apartment tonight," she says quietly, "and you weren't bulletproof, you can only get to me or Carter but not both, who would I expect you to save me or Carter?"

"Carter, you'd kill me if I didn't."

Nodding Cat leans forward and presses a kiss against Kara's collarbone, "That is the choice your parents made when they chose to save you. If I was given the choice to save my life or my son's life then I would choose his every time. Now think about the same situation except it's me that can save you or Carter. What would you expect me to do?"

"Save Carter," Kara says instantly, "I don't know what I would do if you ever chose me over him, he should always come first."

"That is the choice Jeremiah made, Kara." Kara closes her eyes against a new flurry of tears, "Jeremiah thought of you as his own, he chose your life over his own because he loved you as his daughter. If you were in his situation, if Carter came into your life after losing me, if you had to protect him from a brand new world that he didn't understand and you loved him as your own then you would put his life before your own." Cat presses her forehead against Kara's, "Your parents and Jeremiah knew what they were choosing when they chose you, Kara, they were choosing to save the best thing that they could give to the world." Kara curls into Cat this time and lets herself feel safe, feel loved in the arms surrounding her as she considers her lover's words. When she falls asleep some minutes later she silently concedes that perhaps Cat is right and hearts aren't supposed to be bulletproof.


End file.
